Six Months Worth....

Welcome to 2012!!  I predict this will be a GREAT year - for Samuel and our AS findings; for Don and I; and for our family in general!!  Awesome things are happening - all around us.  Now I will attempt to fill you in on the last six months.....maybe.

We still struggle with behaviors - we have seen a Psychiatrist in hopes of finding some 'help' in disciplining Sam and understanding him.  Not much help there - if anything, gives me a place to vent, I guess.  But for now, that's done.  Don't need to pay for that:-) 

The holidays were okay.  Why so blase, you ask?  Well, 'immediate family' functions are not the best for our foursome.  Having talked to many parents in our situation - most say the same thing.  They find frustration in the fact that the closest family - the one's who are supposed to care the most - are the one's who show interest the least or care the least; have the least understanding of anyone else in our family/friend bubble.  

Some AS resources incorrectly state that aspies do not desire to be social - FALSE!!  They either do not want to be social OR they are socially inappropriate and want nothing more than to fit in, but struggle!!  Sam is the latter.  He is so self-conscience about how others perceive him - it is almost an obsession - especially for a five year old boy to even care!!  He adores his two boy-cousins.  However, we do not look forward to 'hanging' out with them.  Not because we don't love them or desire for them to play with Sam, but because of how they are with Sam and there is no adult 'help' or interest in making things better for all involved unless Don or I take over.  We usually have to step in and moderate or encourage the other boy not ignore Sam but answer his questions!!  If a person does not simply answer Sam - it will escalate - people think if they ignore him, the 'problem' will go away.  One thing that happens regularly is the other children will VERY blatantly play with Nasya and run/have fun/be silly with her and ignore Sam.  That breaks our hearts - I cannot tell you how devastating that is to us as parents.  This happened last weekend - and Sam is not stupid - he sees what is going on - as he's watching we hear him say repeatedly - "Why does **** hate me??"  And so he doesn't keep excalating or get even more depressed - daddy went over to console him and see if he wanted to build something.  I digress....

School is going great - the only times he has gotten in 'trouble' is when there is no structure and a lot of commotion.  Before school - all the kids congregate in the gym, not the best idea as far as I'm concerned, and during lunch.  Sam hates too much noise/talking - much of the time in the car if Don and I are trying to talk - he yells and makes obnoxious noises from the back so that we'll be quiet.  I got him some headphones that muffle loud noises but he is very reluctant to wear them.  We're still working on this......   

Yes - you are in the right place.....

I decided to change the background - the other was giving me a headache and this sums up the last year and a half - books, books, books, and searching, searching, searching!!  I have started reading - at least 9 books and have completely finished - ONE.  Most of them I use as reference......

So - I don't have time to go back and read things I have all ready written - there might be times I say something that's all ready been said - so be it.  Moving on - well I am so overwhelmed much of the time with what I am NOT getting done since having children - but this tops them all - I actually forgot my best friends 40th birthday - my husband had to tell me - I NEVER used to forget dates!  Birthdays, anniversaries, etc. - I had cards ready to send a week before.....Now I forget....so then I stress about that on top of everything else.  People just need to know I still care....just have a lot more consuming my time/energy & sleep! 

So - Sam's OT described him as this:  imagine a chart - at the bottom of the chart you have 'couch potato' - in the middle you have 'normal' and at the top you have 'overdrive' or 'overstimulated' - Sam is always between normal and overdrive and above.  His nervous system does not know how to 'chill' out - anytime she wants to try something new or different he turns color; fidgets with his ears and feet; and starts negotiating saying 'well, how about.....' He just doesn't want to let go - he doesn't like the feeling or isn't used to the feeling of allowing his body to relax.  We are supposed to do breathing exercises with him - when she tries this it is very difficult for him to slow down and lower his breathing.  We are also trying listening therapy - maybe more on that later.

She said he is one of the most challenging cases she 's seen with these issues.  So - we are NOT CRAZYY!!!!!  Hey everyone - we are NOT crazy and this past week I felt validated in the levels of insanity I've felt in the last four years!!!!!  Now - it's getting him there enough to allow her to work with him.  Ugh - he goes twice a week now and that is expensive enough - I also want to possibly get him in to a Cognitive Behavior Therapist - I have read/heard that AS people REALLY benefit from this since it deals with their way of thinking - which is a HUGE part of the battle.  Okay - enough on Sam for now.....

Everything - I mean EVERYTHING Princess!!!!!  Nasya is gone to the dark side.  It takes her 20 min. to find something good enough to wear out to the sandbox.....if it doesn't have ruffles or princess stuff on it - NO WAY!!  She is a persistent little dolly - but cute:-)  She loves standing at the sink 'washing dishes' - or making a HUGE water mess:-)  she loves taking care of her brother - if he falls asleep before her and we put him to bed - she will take him his baby lamb right away - soooo cute:-)  If she wakes up and he's all ready gone to summer school - she says - "Where's Sammy????" 

Okay - well, going to bed - want to have a good and productive weekend with the BIG DADDY of the house:-)  HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO THE BEST DADDY IN THE WORLD - WE LOVE YOU!!  I couldn't do it without him - he adores our children and I've NEVER seen a man who looks at his children the way he does.  I knew the first time I met him that he would be an amazing father - and I was right!!! 

Hunky Dude!!

Awwww - Sam and I had a date again today - his last day of preschool was Tuesday - so we took Nasya to a couple hours of daycare and we went to the coffee shop to see his girlfriend Candy.  He got a hot cocoa and we sat and played with his cars.  We was sooooo good and patient and smiley!!  A little old lady was sitting behind Sam and he turned around and said 'HI!' - she said hi back and 'You're a hunky dude!!'  Didn't expect that out of a 75 year old:-)  THEN as we were getting ready to leave the lady behind me who had been working on her computer, walked by and said "I think he is the cutest kid I've ever seen, even cuter than mine!!" - WOA - talk about a proud mommy:-)  We'll take the wonderful compliments......he was being so sweet and hammy.....

NOW for yesterday- I guarantee we wouldn't have received those compliments!!  Actually he has been reverting back to his bad behaviors/habits/isms.  Yesterday I told my mother-in-law - it was like someone lit a fire under his rear; gave him 5 Jolts (the energy drink of the 90's) and told him to go be as obnoxious and naughty as he can!!!!!  He was a disrespectful, aggressive - ......animal!!!!!  He was actually really good until after his therapy - which actually is the opposite effect therapy usually has on him.  He was soooo wound up - we came home and his cousin was here - poor kid.  Sam was aggressively in his face; he was pulling on his shirt, chasing him, pushing him down and not letting up.  WTHeck???  It was embarrassing - I all ready feel like they don't want to come over and be around him and then he does this - unfortunately they don't see him when he is fantastic - he has the stigma of being 'different' all ready so he almost doesn't even have a chance.   

Sunday we had a surprise birthday party for his dad and grandpa - first he went golfing with them and I was told he was FaNTASTIC on the golf course.  THEN grandma picked him and his cousin up - and met them at the house.  DIFFERENT story - he was yelling at grandma; sassing; saying his 'bad' words; etc. I simply told them to not talk to eachother - otherwise it would have excalated into no return.  I tried my best to keep him occupied with helping me - so between him and his cousin I kept the peace and let them 'help' me get the place ready for the party.  Went 'ok' - but he was not himself the rest of the day.  We made it......and had a great time none-the-less. 

We're back to defiance; calling names; defiance; NOT following directions - always bartering and trying to get it HIS way!!  VERY frustrating as we know that if we hold our ground as parents - it will be constant - and I mean CONSTANT meltdowns; throwing; etc.  When is the battle not worth it??????? 

Nice While it Lasted:-)

The title means just what it says.  Defiance is back to being an issue (prob. still was - I have a feeling it was 'going well' because we were just giving in so we wouldn't have the tantrums/meltdowns!!)and back to using the picture schedule more regularly.  I HOPE it works.  This morning we awful trying to get him to school.  He was sure he was going to stay home and NOT go to school.  I knew daddy was at the office still so I called him to see if he would talk to Sam and try to calm/convince.....he said of course -but Sam wanted NOTHING to do with it.  The bus driver, his bus 'friends' and maybe some neighbors heard and saw his tantrum - ugh.  So - I waved the bus on and started to get myself ready since daddy left at 6:30am.  So - now not only do I have to get myself ready (between fits/demands, etc.) - but Nasya AND get Sam ready and willing to get out the door!!!!  Fortunately - daddy called back and asked if I wanted him to stop and take him in - OF COURSE!!!  He didn't have much time before hitting the road for work - but it was worth it.  Didn't think it was going to work - but he ended up getting bribed with a new John Deere something and it worked good enough.  SO - the deal is - he has to get on the bus every day until school gets out or he loses the John Deere and his new cowboy guns.  HOPE it works.  So help me - if tomorrow he could care less about them, the iPad AND a Happy Meal - we're done.

Saturday - he was jumping on our bed and we both told him to stop it!!  So - daddy goes out of the room and he asks me, "Mommy, are you leaving too or are you going to stay and keep an eye on me?"......hmmmmm - I asked him why I should keep an eye on him and he flat out told me that he wanted me to leave so he could jump and jump and jump on the bed again - at least he's honest, huh??

Wow - New Boy??

I have been wanting to blog about this but I didn't want to 'jump the gun' so to speak.  Don, myself and Sams pre-school teacher all agreed that we have seen some great changes in Sam in the last month!!  I have always believed in miracles - and we have some awesome people actively praying for us and Samuel and what we all go through.

Sam has been very sweet; calm MUCH more often;  the rocking has subsided somewhat - it is not every evening; not every morning; and not 5 times a night.  Once in a while he will go through a phase but not NEAR the frequency it was for 3++ years. 

I started writing this earlier this afternoon and now I am finishing it since the kids are down.....wouldn't you know after I start writing all the GREAT stuff - he starts his behaviors.....mostly with his sister and not getting things the way HE wants them.

I am a little concerned for the summer and being outdoors.  We're going to have to prep him when we go out and go for a bike ride around the neighborhood - if he wants to go to the park and we say no he'll just take off - angrily.   He did this the other evening and both Don and I were outside with the kids - and it was difficult to catch him - imagine if I'm home alone......So I'm having the Speech-Therapist at the pre-school create a couple social stories we can go over before we go out.

Going to bed - night.

GET YOUR CHICKENS OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!

Talk about sensory issues.  The other night I made creamy mashed cauliflower/broccoli and game hens - I haven't made this for a few years.  While I was finishing up, Don took the kids outside and brought them back in when supper was finished.  WOW!!!  Sam came in and started gagging/yelling all the way to his bedroom!!  It is true that the two vegetables mentioned can smell funky - but WOA!  He said he would only eat downstairs NOT upstairs where it 'STINKS!!!!!!!!'  So he RAN downstairs and Don took his PBJ down to him.....we thought no big deal if we took our plates and joined him since it stunk upstairs and not down.  WRONG!! 

We all sat on the floor around the coffee table and Sam (sitting across from me) glared and me and yelled - "Get out of here, get your chickens OUT of here!!!!!!!"  So - he only looked at me - for some reason he didn't yell at Don directly - but that could be because Don's icky food was not right in front of him like mine was.  So I ate this meal (kind of getting grossed out myself at the thought of the chicken being alive and then on my plate) reluctanly by myself upstairs.  You see - he will not eat chicken now since he knows that it is ACtUALLY a chicken....I guess he doesn't eat meat at all but this is definitely an issue when it comes to Happy Meals and the like.  So - little did I know that the meal I was preparing would be a double whammy for the little man - stinky AND chicken!  Better luck next time - I need to start disguising the menu - he won't eat is anyway but at least he won't yell at US:-)
   

Happy Happy Days

Happy Belated Easter to all!  I must say, Sam has been an exceptional boy lately!!  Yes, still episodes - however, he is really growing up and is really showing respect and manners!!  I will post some pics sometime, showing his magnet chart and 'wall of fame' we've created.  We've pitched the sticker chart for good as he was completely abusing it.  He would throw tantrums until I would give him things to do to earn the 3 or 4 stickers he still needed to get on a cirlce to receive his 'reward' - I was DONE with that!!  Not to mention having to constantly think of cheap rewards that he would even care about!!!! 

Today, he walked in the door to see Nasya in the window and opened his arms and said, "Hi Nasya!!" - is was so sweet!  Yesterday when she opened her door from her nap, he softly walked over to her and said - "Hi Princess Nasya, do you remember we're going to bowling??  Are you ready to go??" - "I love you!"  He is such an awesome little man!! 

He has been waking several times in the night freaking out if one of us isn't sleeping on the floor next to his bed - GRRRRRR.  Not sure what is provoking this.  My back is NOT in good shape and neither of us are getting much sleep.  Sya is waking as well, she keeps getting congested/gross runny noses and coughing - therefore does not sleep well and we all suffer.  I am really really wanting to exercise - but it is sooooo difficult to get motivated when I am lacking sleep.  This needs to become something that I never have to be concerned about - PLEASE GOD!!!!!???

Yesterday was Easter - we spent it out on Dani & Jasper's farm.  A farm is always a hit with the kids!!  I would LOVE LOVE to have a farm.....oh well.  Anyway, Dani and her three kids hosted alone since Jasper is in Afghanistan.  Sam, Nasya, Chloe and Willie played SO great together!!!  Sya was in awe of Chloe's jewelry (we accidentally came home with a necklace - sorry Chloe -we'll return it:-)  So much for thinking she was a tomboy - I think she's an Athletic-Princess-with-a-Tude!!!  Talk about independent, sassy and bossy - she's ONLY 2!!!  Dear Jesus - please help me guide this little girl now through her teenage years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

After lunch - Dani and her brother hid eggs outside and the kids had a blast finding them.  Sam kept calling Chloe 'Bailey' who is his cousin up in Seattle.  Unfortunately we don't see either of them near enough - but one of these days he'll hopefully get them straight:-)!!  HI Bailey, Hudson and BabyBean:-)!!  Miss you....

All this to say - we are so proud of Sam and his awesome interaction with everyone this past week!!  He is properly approaching kids and asking if they want to play; he is not getting aggressive with them when they don't do what he wants; and we HOPE this is a new trend for our family - time will tell!!