When I started this blog, I knew there were risks. First off, it is online - need I say more? Secondly, my intentions are never to offend, however, to tell the truth - never in a hurtful manner. And thirdly - I knew that some might have a difficult time looking past the AS and what I write about and still seeing our beautiful boy for who he is - not a monster. The third risk is the one I really struggle with - he is my son - God's perfect creation.
I could spend my time right now telling you how very difficult the last couple weeks have been and what we've been through (or how last night was AWFUL and this morning Sam screamed and threw a fit even out by the bus - I ended up having to wake Sya (on her birthday) and rush getting her ready so I could get Sam to school) - but I am not going to. I am going to veer off track for this one.......if you are overly sensitive and tend to take things personal, let me recommend you not read any further. If you are able to consider others and be open minded, and know that these words are coming from care/concern - please continue:-).
I need a place where I can be honest and let my true feelings out - I have no where to do so. I have found that this blog may not have been such a great idea. I feel I have done my son a disservice by writing about our life. I haven not created a 'safe' environment or a better social life for him by writing this blog. Some are able to embrace him and get to know him more. Others have made no effort really to be a bigger part of his/our life. "We don't want our kids to be influenced by his behavior," "We don't want to deal with him, it's too stressful," He's so obnoxious, we just won't go over there...," "You should have seen the tantrum last time we saw him, it's riduculous those parents can't control him! We don't want our kids doing that." ETC. Just a few thoughts I'm sure some people have had.
Let me say.....if anyone has said or thought any of these things, they do not know Sam's TRUE self and the reality. ALL children go through phases; ALL children have behavior issues and are NOT perfect; ALL children make bad choices at one time or another and NOT because of someone else's 'bad' kid.......it is NOT always someone elses fault for your child's bad choice - it is a natural way of life. Adults AND children can learn from any circumstance IF the parents choose to TEACH their child about 'differences' and compassion ~ Not judging and RUNNING from 'differences'. No, I am not shouting with my capitalizations......I am just making a point. I do not want to sound defensive - but I am defending my son. I am defending his 'difference' from others - I thank GOD for how amazing and funny and intelligent Sam is. Yes, we have difficulties - yes it is stressful at times - I thank God he gave Sam to us and not to parents that would hide him and push others away because they are ashamed or don't want to deal.
We go to functions - family or not - and it is so easy for everyone to blame him for everything. It is so disheartening and makes me so angry. I watch as other kids 'taunt' him and then he reacts (as ANY kid would do) and he is the one to get yelled at or corrected. I have decided to not allow this to go by anymore - I will speak up in his defense and I pray that God helps me choose my words wisely. The last thing I want is to upset anyone - however, I do not want these feelings to fester and I just want to educate people from our persepctive and get them to think. If you have been offended or took these things personally - maybe ask why? or literally try to put yourself in our shoes......try.
All of this frustration to say - get out of your comfort zone - get to know 'how' to be with a unique little man without being reserved/hesitant/judgemental/worried about 'bad' influences ETC - he's 4 - he's human - he is God's creation. K - now I need to find some time to take a nap......and maybe find a 'happy' pill:-)
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