Here goes.....

I decided to give in and start a 'BLOG' - I figured it would be MUCH cheaper than therapy and after the last week (last few years actually!) that I've had, I needed to do something! Going from being a career chick and actress to a full time mom of a 3 1/2 year old son with Asperger's and a 19 month old daughter - oh and I might add a traveling husband - I MUST find an 'out' for my pent up struggles and emotions.

As my husband Don said, he is proud of me, but WHEN was I going to find the time????? Good question. I used to be one of those that had to have all my make-up on, hair done, and decent clothes to go out of the house. Not any more. I also used to have a spotless home picked up ALL the time - I try but there are MANY days I decide it's not worth the stress on top of everything else. SO all that said, as much as I would like a funky looking 'blog' with all kinds of great pics, etc. - I simply don't have the time. Maybe someday you'll get that luxury. For now, you're just getting the facts.

I'd like to start by saying my Samuel is ADORABLE and loving and funny and if you have taken the time to REALLY get to know him - you fall in love with him and understand his 'isms. He is NOT a monster and is not a 'behavior' problem. Don and I are learning more and more about Asperger's and about our son on a daily basis. Much of what he deals with - he doesn't know any better. He needs love just like any other boy. Those of you who have taken the time to help out and truly get to know him - we are so grateful!!! It brings tears to my eyes to watch people interact with him in such a caring and understanding manner.

I'll just give you a snippit of WHY I must do this. TODAY: my Samuel, as usual, wakes around 7:30/7:45 yelling for me in his bedroom. I almost always have to go get him before he starts a meltdown. (If you start to follow my blog you will find out A LOT about Asperger's and what we deal with on a daily basis - no one knows what we experience!) A meltdown for him has gotten to be pretty explosive - I've had soooo many things thrown at me this past week! I wouldn't be surprised if he breaks the tv downstairs if I don't get down there in time when he yells/calls for me. Anyway, I went into his bedroom to pick him up and take him to the rocking chair. I know what to expect. He wants to rock and it is never fast enough. Today's 'episodes' lasted - well let's just say we weren't dressed until 11:00am. (People - this is why I don't get to the phone sometimes and may not get you called for a long period of time) It was a horribly rough morning, thank goodness his sister Nasya (rhymes with Messiah) woke in a very good mood. Only a few times did she cry because Sam did NOT want her on my lap with him. I make it very clear that I will not turn her away - he usually gets off my lap and throws his fits next to us and I/we usally end up getting hit by him or by something he throws. It is exhausting. From 7:45-9:30 it was non-stop. From 9:30-11:00 it was off and on - often! It is very difficult to get ready and to get them ready when he is running after you or running around aimlessly screaming, yelling throwing things because he wants to rock or be held.

Well - I've said enough for my first posting. More on my husband in the next blog - I Just wanted to give you a 'taste' of why I'm here. I adore my children, Samuel is incredibly loving, funny and intelligent - never a dull moment with my Hunky Monkey. Nasya is a dolly - she's sassy but she melts your heart with just a glance - I thank my God for these blessings. I have however, questioned many times the phrase: "God will never give you more than you can handle" - the Journey never expected - Asperger's.