Tired

Been very crabby today and almost didn't write - I don't like being negative and I feel like I have nothing positive to say right now. Sleep has been horrible for 3 1/2 years for me and it shows. Not sure how 'organized' this blog writing will be - I haven't made much sense all day.....too tired to even organize my thoughts.

Got to bed late as usual (usually due to Sya waking, and getting things done that I didn't have time for during the day, or whatever...) And Don my hubby went golfing at 6:30AM so I had the pleasure of waking to handle the lovely morning once again. The morning was horrible. About an hour of things being thrown and thrashing because Sam didn't want to see/look at or share me with Nasya. In addition to this fun, last night Sam had me up from 3:30-4:30 having to rock and/or throwing fits in his room for one reason or another - he had the wrong drink, I wasn't hugging him right, etc. The crazy thing is - he usually doesn't even know why he's doing it. I was dealing with a ridiculous meltdown yesterday AM for about a half hour. Sya woke up and he would yell "PUT NASYA BACK TO BED" "PUT NASYA IN A PACKAGE" "I HATE NASYA I HATE MOMMY" AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON.........then he just turned around on my lap, looked at the cartoon on tv and acted like nothing happened. I calmly asked if Nasya could sit with us and he shook his head yes. BIZARRE......that told me right there that much of the time he has no control over what is happening. I have no words to describe how I feel about this.

I don't know why the last month has been so incredibly rough. I try to pinpoint what is happening in his/our lives to determine what might be affecting him. Before this last month, he was doing pretty well. He would wake much of the time (NOT always) in a semi-normal manner. OH OH OH - I just remembered to tell you HE took the initiative to say he wanted to go sit on the toilet to 'poop' last night!!!!!! A POSITIVE!!!!!!!:-) WOA - I cannot even believe the SIZE of the #2's that come out of this poor boy - but he did it and I took pictures!! YES I did! If you would like to see them - you may contact me:-) I'll make it happen. I am a proud mommy - THEN today - he doesn't go to the toilet once - he refuses and says he wants to have pee pee pants. HELP!!!!!! But then again, everything today was a battle, so never mind. He did not get ONE sticker - which is his reward system. More on that later I suppose.

ABOUT DADDY: A little over due - but it IS Father's Day weekend so how appropriate. In a nutshell, Don is a FANTASTIC father!!! I knew when I met him he would be a most amazing father and he is. When he gets home from work - they are both so excited to follow him to the bedroom, sit on his dresser and play with all his 'things' while he changes into 'play' clothes. He is one big jungle gym. Literally:-) Time to ourselves is a VERY rare thing here and it is soooooo difficult to have a few sentence conversation with Sam demanding our attention all the time. It is going to be a challenge to teach him the idea of a two-way conversation AND the fact that you have to wait your turn - HE insists his side of the conversation by getting louder and louder and louder until you acknowledge him - so - needless to say - right now I feel like I do not know my husband. We seem so far apart simply because - by the time we get to bed 11:30 or later, our heads hit the pillows and we're done.

Speaking of......